The Long Forgotten

  DAVID WHITEHOUSE

  THE LONG FORGOTTEN

  PICADOR

  For Douglas

  CONTENTS

  ONE

  TWO

  THREE

  FOUR

  FIVE

  SIX

  SEVEN

  EIGHT

  NINE

  TEN

  ELEVEN

  TWELVE

  THIRTEEN

  FOURTEEN

  FIFTEEN

  SIXTEEN

  SEVENTEEN

  EIGHTEEN

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  ONE

  Ten thousand feet deep, bones creak with solitude. Professor Cole feels it mounting in his sternum. Concentrating on the short canyon of light carved into blackness by the headlamps on his one-man submersible, he mutters to himself.

  ‘Everything will be OK. Everything will be all right.’ But it is over an hour since he heard from the research vessel on the surface. Cold with terror, he speaks into the radio receiver, winding the wire tight around his fingers, constricting blood so it bulbs beneath skin.

  ‘This is Professor Jeremiah Cole. I repeat. Both engines are now down. Emergency buoyancy failed to deploy. Systems monitor says I have eighteen minutes of air left. Do you read me, over?’ An inappropriate calm seeps into his voice, as though thrown there by a benevolent ventriloquist. ‘Do you read me? Over.’ He swipes a cuff across his brow, blotting pinprick diamonds of sweat on the cotton.

  The luminous clock telling him approximately how much longer he’ll be alive morphs to seventeen minutes, sixteen, fifteen. How apt, a life entrenched in the academia of oceanography, ending at the bottom of the sea. He punches the monitor until his knuckles split, lets a small blast of air slip his lungs and rues ever embarking on a mission with so many possible failures. Tech glitch. Bad weather. A cataclysmic power outage, like the one befalling him now. Shouldn’t we be content to live in the smile of the sun instead of reaching out to touch it? He laughs, actually laughs – the oxygen his to waste. Don’t we deserve our fingers burnt?

  Wistfully caressing the grid of buttons on the console, he begins to grieve his own demise. This embarrasses him, as though he’s anything other than alone. The blush has an intricate texture.

  Twelve minutes of oxygen remaining. He spends the next three pressing the red emergency button, seriously contemplating whether to light the cigarette in his pocket. At the very least, it’d be a spectacular last action for a suffocating man. When he shuts his eyes he can almost hear the delightful piss-on-snow hiss of ash burning. He imagines smoke swirling around the top of the pod, almost able to convince himself he is lying on his back in the garden of their house, cigarette in mouth, clutching the sparrow weight of his wife’s hand in his.

  Then he sees it. Through the porthole above the navigation console, a brief glimpse of ghostly white bulk moving in the beam’s golden glow. Death has come for him. Fear has given it form. His quickening breath thrums the limited air.

  Without room enough to drop to his knees, he removes his shoes, folds his socks, brings both legs up beneath him on the seat and puts his hands together in prayer to a God he’s never believed in. Plagued by visions of his skeleton found genuflecting, he flops back on the chair and fumbles through his pockets for a lighter. If he is ever found they’ll understand: in his final moments, this sucker didn’t bow to a higher being out of fear. Oh no. He smoked a deliciously woody cigarette instead. He was his own God.

  No lighter. He murmurs a prayer half remembered from school, loathing himself more with each line.

  A thud throws him against the panel to the left, smashing his head against the defunct power lights, then to the right, where he breaks a tooth on the hatch lever. The coppery taste of blood floods his gums.

  Through the glass, another sight of the beast that has come to claim his soul. But now he sees; it is not death after all.

  Instruments record that when Cole’s craft chances on the goose-beaked whale, it is exactly two hundred miles west of Perth, Australia. Confused by the sonar’s gentle whinny, the curious whale catches its tail in the elbow of the craft’s mechanical arm, thrashes, then, distressed, its heart overwhelmed and in arrest, rises to the surface, taking with it the submersible and, inside that, the professor.

  The whale is dead by the time the craft bursts out of the sea, and Cole’s veins fizz, not with the bends, but with his good fortune. His wife of forty-four years will never read the words I love you. I always have. I always will, hastily scrawled on the back of a crumpled cigarette packet.

  He opens the hatch and gulps down lungfuls of briny sea air. Beside him bobs the whale’s carcass. Wave spray cools his face.

  Peeling free his sweat-sodden overalls, he shoots a flare into the early evening sky, watches the sparks scatter a fly-past of gulls. Soon, on the endless horizon, where the blues of water and sky are hazily sewn, his ship comes into view. For twenty glorious minutes he observes the dish of a giant orange sun drop behind it, collapsed in ecstasy. He is alive.

  The professor’s team sling ropes from the side of the boat, averting their eyes as his near-naked body, chalky white, climbs the dull grey steel of the hull. A young woman drapes a towel over his shoulders. He forgets, though only for a moment, that they are professor and student, enough that he wants to kiss the fullness of her smile.

  ‘You’re safe, Professor Cole,’ she says. A part of him he’d never let her see wants to cry, but he swallows it and snarls at nothing in particular. The young woman looks at her colleagues in confusion.

  ‘Bring it aboard,’ he says.

  ‘Bring . . . it aboard?’

  ‘That’s what I said.’

  ‘The whale?’

  ‘Of course the whale! What else would I mean? The bloody ocean?’

  So chains clank, cogs grind, a crane swings. Two hours pass and it’s aboard. It’s the longest and heaviest goose-beak he’s ever seen, that much is clear from a cursory glance. While they dwell at depth – deeper and for longer than any other mammal – he’s never heard tell of a goose-beak at 10,000 feet before. He is interested to know what it dives to eat. An observation of new behaviour may at least help assuage the guilt he feels for his role in its death. How much longer might it have lived if he’d been content with never knowing what’s not ours to know?

  He cuts its belly open with the blade of a crude machete. Thick crimson blood washes the deck. And there it is, amid the gore and the pungent swirls of steam somehow pretty. Battered shapeless, corroded by acids but intact; the black box recorder of flight PS570: a memory entombed in metal.

  Nobody knows where or when the whale swallowed it, how far it travelled or whether it will still work, but it has long left behind the plane that carried it and 316 people into the water on a clear evening in May, three decades before.

  Until this moment, flight PS570 had earned its place in folklore as the plane that simply vanished from the air. They call it ‘The Long Forgotten’. Few but the bereaved and their children remember the actual facts of the case: the dead, the fruitless search and the many years it lasted. But Cole’s endeavour has been rewarded with a quite unforeseeable prize, for when the handsome, silvering professor triumphantly lifts the flight recorder into the air, memories come flooding back.

  TWO

  Dove is walking to work along the canal when he remembers the bog violet. It just appears, however memories do, a glimmer of the past shining through the now.

  The bog violet is the purplish of a ripening bruise. It is three inches high with small, kidney-shaped leaves, the lowest of five notch-tipped petals crowned by a storm-blue spur, and a carpel as fragile as freshly spun sugar.

  Dove knows nothing of flowers. And there are few of his age
(if his age is thirty, which is what he thinks it is) who know what he now knows of the bog violet; that’s how vivid the memory is. He knows what it looks like, what it feels like – the intricacy of its structure, from the tip of the anther to the stalk. The memory is as lucid as his reflection, stilling in the black glass of the canal. But where had he seen it before, and why is he recalling it now? He scans through the flick-book version of his life from the beginning, getting all the way back to the present, still with no idea.

  If he believed in reincarnation he might call it a vision from a past life. But reincarnation is a load of hocus, as made enjoyably plain by a documentary he’d recently found so compelling he watched it twice, in which four people laid claim to having once been Joan of Arc. Under the auspices of the producers they met to argue which of them had the stronger case, in the process revealing harsh glimpses of their day-to-day realities. One was an unemployed single father of two, another a waitress with tinnitus, the third a widowed failed inventor and the fourth a woman living in a remote Scottish bothy. But they all testified with a preacher’s conviction to the truth of their previous existence as a tragic war heroine and Roman Catholic saint. Believing themselves to have been important in a past life helped them to navigate the lonely normality of the one they found themselves in now. If lonely normality is a qualifying factor, surely Dove – single, broke, orphaned – has as solid a claim as anyone. Though given his luck, it’s far more likely he was the dung sweeper tasked with collecting dry grass to speed the fire. And it’s either laughing at this thought, or the needling pain skittering across his scalp that he chases through his hair with a fingertip, that distracts him enough that the memory of the bog violet starts to fade, leaving Dove with nothing but a vague sense of déjà vu. Then it’s gone. So that’s all it is. A trick of the mind. A ghost in his thoughts.

  The walk to work along the canal is pleasant. Bankside scents of mud and moss. Barges moving mournfully through locks. It is still early. Soon he will be at his desk again, answering the phones, listening to the problems of others. Today, it can wait. He sits on a bench, flattens a sprig of brown hair with his hands and runs the balls of his palms over the initials of young lovers scratched into the slats.

  A funereal parade of litter floats past a cafe that has opened since he was last here. Buckets full of plump green olives crowd the window of what was, 140 years before, a spartan little eating house, designed to service the hardworking inhabitants of some of East London’s first social housing. Its new proprietors have kept the letters adorning the glass, some scratched off but most still stuck, that read, For Respectably Employed Working Men. Beneath it a small group of people drink coffee, their faces framed by laptop screens in rectangles of glow-worm white light. In the distance, over the buildings, the spikes of a shifting cityscape are tended by an idling procession of cranes: this city, his city, quickly becoming a theme park for the monied. One of which he feels no part.

  A young woman jogs along the towpath, her rust-red hair scraped into an untidy bun. She stops to take a photograph of herself. Unsatisfied with the first attempt, and annoyed by the second, she stoops to let a view she hasn’t yet enjoyed fill the background. The third is more like it, just the right angle in her cheekbones’ tilt, and the light that smoothes the bags beneath her eyes bouncing off the glass portholes of a passing riverboat. She pauses to upload the image to the Internet, where it will exist forever; an indelible memory of nothing in particular. And then she continues to run towards him, past the pigeons that examine cigarette butts like soldiers searching a battlefield for unspent ammunition.

  ‘Dove!’ she says, surprised enough to see him that she comes to a sudden stop halfway between the bench and the bank, where the grass performs a curtsy on the breeze.

  Lara Caine is from Chicago, but her parents were both executives working in the derivatives market who travelled extensively around Europe. Her whole family moved to London before she was sixteen. Dove and Lara met while studying journalism at university, and from the very first day when she thrust her hand into the air and asked a question about libel law that temporarily flummoxed the lecturer, the other students widely accepted she’d excel. They were a notably international group – Norwegian, Japanese, Portuguese. To Dove, who had what suddenly seemed like all the life experience of a dust weevil, they were all unknowably exotic. But none more than Lara. She exuded the confidence bred by a good education and a happy family life as though it were a mineral stored within her she could mine at will, turn into an energy beamed as light through her eyes.

  ‘Hi,’ he says, and he’s suddenly, perilously aware he can’t think of a single question to ask to which he doesn’t already know the answer. She’s just turned thirty, a reporter for the London desk of an American financial news channel, working in the Square Mile. She has her own TV show, Saturdays and Sundays at 11 p.m., where she recaps the week’s big news from the markets, with a catchy instrumental theme tune to which her name can be sung, and a generous wardrobe budget. She’s engaged to be married to another American named Ross. He is tall and broad-shouldered in that rectangular, military-line style unique to well-bred Americans, as though their entire physique is a uniform and they’ll be punished for any variation on muscle tone or posture. He works in property development, and together they own a miniature schnauzer Ross wanted to name ‘Barky Bark Wahlberg’ (his friends’ comments underneath his Facebook photographs suggest they all think he’s crazy, which suggests to Dove they don’t know what crazy means), but who is now named ‘Max’, at Lara’s insistence. Her whole story is extensively available online, carefully curated by her. On more than one occasion Dove has found himself scrolling through it, losing minutes and then hours on pictures of holidays he hasn’t taken, featuring people he has never met. Has it really been a decade since he last saw her for real? Absences weren’t absences any more.

  ‘You look good,’ he says, forehead flushing a pale maroon. She looks down at the expanding ellipses of sweat on her vest, a Venn diagram around her navel, both pretend they haven’t noticed.

  ‘Thanks,’ she says, the swinging rhythms of her Chicago accent still intact. ‘It’s been so long. What, like, ten years?’

  ‘Yeah. Ten years.’

  ‘How are you doing?’

  ‘Fine. And you?’ He already knows. She’s doing great. Is this what he thought seeing her would feel like? Cold. Apart. Not like the version of her in his memory. Oh, the dizzying warmth that began in his gut when she walked into the lecture theatre, then rose until it reached his tongue and the moisture in his mouth turned to ash. That taste again now, but soured, clambering slowly up his throat. He should never have taken this route to work. But he’d seen her pictures. He knew there was a chance he’d bump into her here. This is why he did it.

  ‘Things are good,’ she says. ‘I work in TV now. Y’know, print is dead and all that jazz.’

  ‘Sure.’

  ‘And I’m getting married next summer.’

  ‘Great.’ He nods a little too vigorously.

  ‘What about you? What are you up to these days?’ Dread of this question hardens inside him like a spear of cooling wax. He didn’t graduate, she knows as much, and the facts of the matter still make him ashamed. Her expression remains generous, open, inquisitive. He reasons she’s just being nice, which he isn’t sure he deserves.

  ‘Just working, really.’

  ‘In journalism?’

  He shrugs, a tightly engineered nonchalance. ‘Ambulance chasing.’

  ‘Hey, call it what you like. The world needs good reporters.’

  He is heavy with memories of the aborted attempts he made to let her know how he felt. Binned letters. Unsent emails. In the student union bar, drunk, saying it, actually saying it aloud, underneath the speaker so the words were lost in the dirge of awful house music, and she shouted ‘What?’, and he replied ‘Nothing’, and the coolness of her spittle drizzled on his ear felt, for a second, perverse and fantastic, disgusting but right
.

  ‘Everyone’s so busy these days,’ she says, ‘aren’t they?’

  ‘Yeah, seems that way.’

  And that’s when he’s sure she starts to recall what happened all those years ago, because she begins to jog on the spot: short, tiny movements, as though time has slowed to make it hurt all the more.

  ‘Anyway, I’d better go.’

  ‘Me too,’ he says, glancing at his wrist, the pale band around it enabling him to picture more vividly the watch on his bedside table, beeping and not being heard.

  ‘Take care of yourself now, won’t you, Dove,’ she says. Then she runs in the direction he came from, back into his past.

  Dove. Most people assume it’s a nickname he has given himself. He has grown to loathe discussing it. To his mind there is nothing to discuss. As a teenager he briefly tried to assume the name John, revelling in its normality, its directness, its resilience to questioning. But it didn’t suit him and wouldn’t stick. The truth is, he doesn’t know why he’s named Dove. It’s just the name he was given, by whoever gave it to him, whenever it was he was born.

  Leaving the canal in Islington, Dove weaves through the backstreets of Angel into Farringdon via Exmouth Market, where road sweepers reset the scene of the day before; the stink of wetted pavements, dirty water. The grumble of their truck reminds him of the headache. Nothing he can’t handle, just a twinge in his left temple that tugs when he turns into the wind. But he stops at a small supermarket close to his office to buy paracetamol regardless, because he still can’t quite face work, not yet.

  A man in his seventies operates the till. Pink scoops of skin underline his eyes and his mottled teeth are a sandy yellow. The subplots of age. There’s an elephantine sadness to the movement of his hand across the scanner.

  ‘The account is one point five,’ the young man in front of Dove says to his colleague, his voice so loud it drowns out the tannoy, as he buys a pack of cigarette papers and stashes them in his breast pocket.